Going to the Boards: An Interview With Town Councillor Valerie DePaolo (Part II)

VALERIE DEPAOLO PHOTO

This is the second part of The Outsider's interview with Town Councillor Val DePaolo. Val, who has been a Democratic member of the Council for six years, will be stepping down when her term ends in November. Val sat down for the interview on August 22nd. The first part of the interview can be found here.

When you were graduating from high school did you ever see yourself going into politics some day?

No, I never even thought about it. But I do come from that kind of family. My grandfather Valentine DePaolo – I was named after him – he and my grandmother were Republicans, and he never lost an election in his career. I believe he was First Selectman at one point. That was right before the managerial form of government came [to Southington] in 1966 or 1967. When I was growing up, I had a typical Italian family. They had the family furniture business, Val DePaolo and Sons, that involved my grandfather, my uncle, and my dad. Sunday dinners were at my grandparents’, and even when I was younger, I remember some of the conversations around the table did revolve around politics and business. But no, coming out of high school I was playing basketball and thought I would play basketball for the rest of my life [laughs] – well, I thought I would make a career of it.

Is the Joseph A. DePaolo of DePaolo Middle School any relation?

No, no relation. We called them ‘the education DePaolos’ while we were ‘the business DePaolos.’ My grandparents had a furniture store and my mother Gail had a little gift-shop in the furniture store. One day my grandmother said, why don’t we run this in a separate location? That became DePaolo’s Gift Shop, and it evolved into a china shop and bridal registry, where Anthony Jacks is now. My father owned the building. Even though my parents were divorced, my mother moved her store from North Main, right on the corner where Beyond Greens is now, to where Anthony Jacks is. So we were always the business DePaolos.

You had a storied sports career playing basketball in college, at UMASS Amhert and then Boston University, but especially at the high school. During your career is there a moment you remember most clearly?

Scoring my one-thousandth point in high school was big. That was fun. They were keeping track and I hadn’t thought about it, but as it was getting closer it became a big deal. We didn’t get many people at our games in those years, and that night they had to open up a second set of bleachers. The high school building was relatively new then, because I graduated in 1979. When we played our games they tended to open up the bleachers behind the benches, and on the other side they wouldn’t be down. I remember so many people showed up that they had to open up the bleachers across from us.

My grandparents were always working and busy, and they hadn’t seen me play that much. I remember looking into the stands and seeing them. That was nice. The teammates were good about celebrating it.

People sometimes compare sports and politics because it’s competitive and because you are rooting for one group to win. Now that you’ve had experience in both, did you find that politics felt like sports?

At times it did. If you’re competitive by nature, I don’t know if you ever lose that. I learned to temper that, because even in a 6-3 minority, I’m still doing the best job I can do, even for the residents who didn’t vote for me. You have to be careful not to be too competitive, because then you lose sight of the fact that you’re there for other people. When you are playing a sport, especially teams sports, you learn a lot about working toward a common goal and working together.

That’s why I would sometimes get frustrated when we couldn’t work together in a bipartisan manner on the Council. Coming from a team sport background, you get used to that; the Council should be your team. I heard it said, when the other party was taking a lot of spots on boards and commissions, that elections should have consequences. I feel that means you are not getting a lot of perspectives, that you are only getting one side. You should have some integrity and graciousness even when you win. So I do think there is a parallel.

Do you have a favorite book or books?

I read a lot, and I loved Billy Jean King’s recent autobiography, just loved it. She really has come a long way, the way she’s able to speak from the heart and be very open. When I was growing up she was an idol of mine. But she had to keep a lot secret. That’s one book that speaks to me.

Favorite place or places in Southington?

I love walking the canal trail. I enjoy walking the dogs at Slopers. I love going to Anthony Jacks. When the restaurant first opened there was a mural along the walls in the back. They had put Paul and my mother in there among the rest of the faces. The two women who did the mural knew the family, and they put my mother in. A few years later they put my father in, standing next to a chef who was supposed to be my brother Barry. Barry just renovated, and when he did, they chipped out and framed that section of the mural, which is still there. When I go, I always sit in the back of the bar so I can feel like I’m near them.

We tragically lost our parents young. My mother had breast cancer, and that really was the reason that brought me back to Southington. After college I stayed in Boston, went to law school and stayed for about 22 years. I didn’t think I would ever come back to Southington. But she had a recurrence, so I wanted her to have support. Our kids were young, five and three, so my wife and I and the kids moved back. My mother passed away in July 2006. One week after my mom passed away, my dad was hit by a car in Newport and never regained consciousness and passed away. They were both in their 60’s. My dad had just served four terms on the Council.

My brothers and I have a DePaolo Family Foundation for things in town that they both loved. We haven’t fundraised in a while but we try to keep a little money in there, and given to what we can.

So I go to Anthony Jacks and feel like they are there.

Last, what is the American dream?

I would say, speaking for myself, to live your authentic life. Just being able to have an open heart, have an open mind, to find that kindness for all people, to be living the life that you feel is best for you, where you feel authentic, you feel safe. Living an authentic life brings you happiness. What that looks like is different for everyone. But, finding that peace.