At Memorial Tournament, Organizers Remember Founder of Southington Lacrosse
- Philip Thibodeau
- 5 hours ago
- 5 min read
For the thousands of young lacrosse players who traveled to Southington from across southern New England to participate in the KVMJ lacrosse tournament last Saturday, the focus was on getting a few urgent questions answered - where is the field my team is playing on? when do we start? where can I get water? – so they could compete and have fun.
But for the tournament organizers who were making sure all their questions got answered, the event meant something more. The abbreviation KVMJ stands for ‘Ken Vilar Memorial Jamboree.’ Ken was the founder of Southington lacrosse, which was first recognized as a sport at the high school in 1989. The jamboree was renamed in his honor after his death in 2012. On Saturday, Aindrea and Shawn McDowell, Ken’s daughter and son-in-law, were busy running the event, just as they done for past several years, with the help of friends, family members, and the Southington Lacrosse Association.
On the grassy fields at the high school and DePaolo, 160 boys and girls teams were either playing lacrosse or getting ready to compete. While they watched the action and took questions from out-of-towners, Aindrea and Barbara Vilar, Ken’s wife, took some time to reflect on the history of lacrosse in Southington and the key role Ken played in popularizing it.
Barbara: “This was his dream, to expose the sport. He played on Long Island, where lacrosse is a big thing. Around here back then everything was baseball and football. He started with little sticks at the YMCA [a program for younger kids]; it was about building up those skills. Then he worked really hard to get a program at the high school.”
Aindrea: “He started fundraising for the equipment and the travel. He set up a booster club. Any kind of money we raised, all of it went to Southington lacrosse.”
Barbara: “We did so much fundraising! It’s an expensive sport, with the equipment – sticks, helmet, gloves, pads – and the fees. We sold everything – cheesecakes, you name it.”
Aindrea: “And there was Panthorn Park, too. He fought for Panthorn to be Southington’s lacrosse home.”
Barbara: “Do you remember Dr. Saloom, the Superintendent back then [in the 1980’s]? He was a tough one. We really had to fight to get a team recognized. Now the school system is more flexible, more open to new sports.”
Aindrea: “It’s been a long ride. We’ll keep doing this as long as we can. It’s important to us to preserve his legacy and keep his name out there, to let people know.”
At one point in the conversation the name Jeff Merrill came up. Merrill played lacrosse at the high school and graduated in the same class, 1989, as this reporter. Aindrea and Barbara’s faces lit up at the mention of his name. Merrill was the leader of the group of young lacrosse enthusiasts who turned to Ken for help advocating for the creation of a high school team. When I wrote to him to ask for his perspective, he was happy to share:
“When I approached Ken Vilar about putting a team together for SHS," Merrill replied, "he was very supportive. With his dedication and leadership he was willing to guide me on the next steps to make the team happen! I realized that Ken was the voice for us boys to have a Lacrosse team at SHS.”
“I remember being at the School Board meeting with Ken and the team members. Ken spoke for all of us and for future students who would someday be able to play Lacrosse in Southington at every grade level. Today I think about Ken Vilar and I know that the saying is true: you can do it, if put your mind to it. Ken did it for all of us!”
Another important figure in the history of Southington lacrosse is the current high school coach, Chris Kennedy. When Kennedy came over to the organizers’ booth, he introduced himself and explained how his own story intersects with that of the Vilars:
“This is my fourth year as head of the high school team,” he said. “I coached at St. Paul for eight years prior to that. I was on the first group of youth teams in Southington.”
“I played for Coach Vilar. He recruited me off the basketball courts from Central Elementary School. There was a group of us playing. He walked up to the whole group and asked if anyone had seen the game before. By a process of elimination I stayed in the conversation longer than the rest. I was interested, but at the time I knew my family didn’t have the money for sign-up or equipment or even rides for that matter. Coach didn’t take no for an answer; he said ‘I didn’t ask you for money; just commitment.”
“That’s how I got started in lacrosse. I played in the youth program and in high school. I kept playing baseball too.”
“Fast forward a few decades. My son decided he wanted to play lacrosse. The year I got involved again in SLA [Southington Lacrosse Association] was the year Coach came back and started to coach his grandson. So we kind of reunited. Unfortunately, that was also the year we lost him.”
“That lit a spark in me to coach lacrosse. I had been coaching high school football for 15 years at that point. I went hard into lacrosse then, coaching in SLA, coaching my own son. I had bigger aspirations. At St. Paul I think we took things to the next level. I thought I would stay there forever until the position at Southington became available. That was the only position I would leave St. Paul for. It became an obvious decision from there.”
“There is not a day that I don’t walk down this field and think of Coach and what he did for me. I had a great football mentor: I coached for Jude Kelly for 25 years. Usually, with me, people think of Jude, which makes sense, since he’s a father figure to me. But I first learned the impact that someone could have on young people from Ken Vilar. He was that person when I was a young kid.”
“I take that very seriously. I don’t cut kids. I think there’s a place for everybody. Everyone can get value from being a part of the game, as long as you’re willing to do the work. This is my 13th year as a HS head coach and I’ve never cut a kid.”
Kennedy also shared some insights into the nature of lacrosse when asked to explain what it’s like: “A lot of people make the football-lacrosse connection, and that’s understandable because of the physicality of the game. But it’s actually basketball. Few people know this, but James Naismith, before he invented basketball, played four years of college lacrosse and coached college lacrosse. When he invented the game, the intent was an indoors, less-physical version of lacrosse.”
“From a deeper standpoint, the x’s and o’s, if you understand the rotations in basketball, if you understand the two-man and three-man game that’s commonly used in basketball – this is where it comes from.”
Kennedy then set off to spend some time with family, and do a little scouting: “I was here first thing this morning. My daughter is in eighth grade playing. I was watching the girls side this morning. My wife Melissa and I are coming back to watch the fourth and fifth and sixth grade and all the future Blue Knights, making sure they’re doing things the way Coach would have done them. There’s a very bright future from Southington Lacrosse based on what I’ve seen today.”
