Sober Southington Is Serious About Having Fun

The Sober Southington crew at Kinsmen Brewery, with pizza and non-alcoholic beer. PHILIP THIBODEAU PHOTOS

“What did you think of Barb’s?” a member of Sober Southington asked the group. “I liked it, it reminded me of the kind of pizza I grew up with," came the reply.

And South Town Pizza, where they had just come from? “Checked a lot of boxes for me, especially the nice burnt crust.”

Those gathered around the table at Kinsmen Brewery were participating in a ‘Best Pizza of Southington’ contest and waiting for new pies to arrive. Just a few minutes earlier, they had been out on the Canal Trail to stage a playful ‘pizza protest.’ “What do we want? GOOD PIZZA! When do we want it? NOW!” Group organizer Shane Shackelford shouted through his megaphone, while the rest of the group repeated the chant and moved in formation down the path.

Over six feet tall and sporting a festive collection of tattoos, Shackelford, who goes by ‘Shawn Sharks’ on Facebook, stands out in a crowd. He prefers clothes with flair, such as the pants with pizza-slice print he was wearing today. He also radiates openness, greeting people he’s just met for the first time as if they were old friends. A native of Nashville, Tennessee, he now resides in Southington with his wife Sara Cyr and his son.

Shackelford runs Sober Southington in his spare time. His day jobs include working at a doggie day-care and tending bar at the Groggy Frog. The latter might seem like an odd choice for someone in recovery, but Shane says “you have to keep your demons close” to keep them under control.

He and Sara started the group to provide “the sober and the sober-curious” with safe socialization options. Staying clean requires discipline, persistence, and humility; what Sober Southington has to offer are opportunities to have fun, to get a healthy buzz from shared adventures, and to know someone out there has your back.

“Shane is way outside the box,” said group member David Riccio. “Some of the things he comes up with are so artistic. Ironically, I stopped drinking on the same day he did. Shane is like, you’re taking on a new life, a new way of life, a sober way of life. “

“Here, you’re putting yourself with other people and helping each other out. It’s a public group, not a private one. A couple weeks ago we had a guy’s night. I met four guys that I probably never would have encountered otherwise. It was at the escape room at Factory Square. We had to work together as a team. Then we went back to Shane’s garage, his man-cave. He got out the Avery’s soda, said which is your favorite flavor, and handed them out.”

“I can go on. Everything he touches just turns to magic. He’s got that personality.”

Once the platters at Kinsmen were empty – “excellent, really tasty” – the group members piled into their cars to head for their fourth and final destination, Nonna’s Pizza. There, owner Ace Memeti and his father entertained the crew while pizzas cooked in the oven. Once served, the group made short work of the pies. Everyone handed in their rating sheets and waited for the votes to be tallied.

The winner? Nonna’s Pizza, by a considerable margin. Some might wonder whether the $20 gift certificates that Ace distributed to the participants may have played a role in this decision. Regardless, the essential point was not to evaluate culinary standards – it was to spend the afternoon going around town and having fun.

Shane photographs Nonna's manager Ace Memeti as he holds his trophy.

The Silent Ravers

Shane and Sara keep the group’s calendar full: after the pizza crawl on December 20, there was a massage night in West Hartford on December 28, a book club at Kinsmen on December 29, and to ring in the New Year, a silent rave at Infinite Growth Club downtown.

A ‘silent rave,’ for those who don’t know, is a dance party where the participants wear headphones linked to wifi that let them choose from a few different dance tracks. People who prefer up-tempo beats can dance together in one area while those who prefer something slower can gather in another. Another option is to take off your headphones and hold a conversation in a room that, while buzzing with activity, is not deafeningly loud.

One participant, Bob from New York, said this was his first ever silent rave. He expressed his gratitude for the opportunity to try out something completely new.

Two attendees, Carrie and Kelly, heard about Sober Southington from The Phoenix, another Hartford-area sobriety group. Lighting up the floor with their glow-in-the-dark shoes, they took turns dancing, sipping on their drinks, and circulating.

Their beverages were made by Roaming Spirits, a mobile bar run by the husband-and-wife team of Anthony and Kelly. The options were, of course, non-alcoholic, but not lacking in imagination:

One noticeable feature of this dance party was the presence of young children. A few gathered around a console playing video games, while others danced with their parents.

One of the mothers, Alicia Diaz, is the co-owner of Infinite Growth. She and her business partner Brandi Nik Kilbourne-Price took turns joining the party and welcoming guests at the door. They said they were excited to ring in the New Year with Shane and his group and looked forward to future collaborations.

Alicia and Brandi, co-owners of Infinite Growth

Part Of A New Movement

Sober Southington is not unique in its devotion to alcohol-free socialization. As CNN recently reported, a new trend for sober partying has sprung up that spans the globe. In Seoul, for instance, young people rise at daybreak so they can dance for an hour before work, fueled by good vibes and caffeine. In France, one bakery has become famous for dance parties that celebrate bread and other baked goods.

All over the world, it would seem, people are rethinking what it means to have fun and coming to similar conclusions about the possibilities. But a trend doesn’t just happen on its own: it takes individuals with energy and imagination, like Shane, to make it happen. On January 3, on Facebook, Shackelford spelled out what Sober Southington is all about in a short manifesto:

“Sober Southington likes to have fun! We are a community of people who have chosen to live without alcohol or drugs but who still value laughter, connection, adventure, and genuine enjoyment, often even more than before. This kind of group understands that fun does not depend on substances and that the most lasting, satisfying experiences come from being present, clear-minded, and authentically engaged with others. Members include people in recovery, those who simply choose not to drink for health or personal reasons, or individuals who are “sober curious” and want to see what life feels like without relying on substances to relax or socialize. We gather for activities where the focus is on shared experiences rather than on drinking: lots of activities lined up for the month of January. If you are practicing dry January, now is the time to check us out.”

Friends dance in front of Roaming Spirits' mocktail bar.

Bread For Life Offers Food - And Much More - For Those In Need

SCREENSHOT FROM 'BREAD FOR LIFE'

The executive director of Southington’s Bread For Life, Missy Cipriano, is a trained beekeeper. During the summer, when the hives behind Bread For Life’s garden are awake, she takes care of the bees as they gather nectar and make honey. But even in the winter, when the bees hibernate, her skills are still useful, since Bread For Life is itself a kind of beehive, buzzing with people collecting and processing food to feed those in need.

In fact, Bread For Life does more than target hunger. Recently Missy took the Outsider on a tour of the facility to show us what she and her staff do to provide its clients with practical help, dignity, and a sense of community connection. The tour was filmed and edited by Wayne Edwards – a member of the Outsider's Board of Directors, and a professor in the Communications, Film, and Media Studies Department at the University of New Haven – along with two of his students, Elisa Roche and Jay Sanders. Click below to watch the 13-minute feature:

For more information, see Bread for Life's website.

Here are some of Bread for Life's dedicated volunteer drivers preparing to make deliveries on Christmas Eve:

A Spotlight On Southington Authors: Part IV

CREATIVE COMMONS STOCK IMAGE

The Southington Outsider recently put out an invitation for authors from the Southington community to tell us about books they have written or are working on. We received an impressive response, with more than twenty people expressing interest.

This is our last batch of replies (though it is not the last time we will cover local authors). In the interest of full disclosure, readers should know that all three of these authors are associated with the Southington Outsider – Gabriella Bassi-Belanger manages our Instagram and contributes occasional reporting, Mike Boissonneault is on our Board of Directors, and Peter Prohaska covers Town Meetings for us. All three are very talented individuals with different writing interests – Gabriella is a poet, Mike an HR expert, and Peter an experienced novelist.

Click here for our first, second, and third sets of replies.

1. Gabriella Bassi-Belanger (author name, just 'Gabriella')

What is the title of your most recent book, and what was it about? 

All 3 of my books are poetry books! The most recent one is titled half. half. was my exploration of recognizing that there is still value in things we would consider unfinished or inadequate. As with all of my books, there’s a focus on navigating through external difficulties and finding slivers of wisdom through them. A reconnection to the self. Additionally, all 3 books also have poems about or inspired by Southington! 

Where did you get the idea for it?

I had originally written about 80 poems that I loved for book 3 and ended up losing them all when my phone crashed. For a long time I struggled to write after that because I didn’t think anything new would compare to the work lost. The poems in half. were reflective of what it means to try again and to accept whatever it is that you can give, even if you’re wishing you had more to give.

What is your target audience?

My first book was written when I was 16-17 years old, so I would recommend that as the youngest age for readers. Due to the fact that my books are representative of each stage of life I was in when I wrote them, the topics covered in each are as well. Interestingly, I have had a wide age-range of readers still relate to my poems even if they were older than I was when I wrote them or going through an entirely different situation. That’s the beauty of art!

Is there another book beside your most recent one that you would like people to know about? 

The In-Between was my second book and it is one of my favorites. Those poems centered around the idea of getting comfortable with the in-between spaces of life- where you’re not yet at the satisfactory finish line or the exciting beginning. It’s about blooming regardless of what soil you’re planted in and accepting each stage of growth along the way. I also drew the covers for each of my books and this particular one I traced the outline of myself, so I am literally on the cover of the book! 

Are you working on another book? What is it about? 

Sort of! I never intentionally try to make each book, I just write poems as time passes. Eventually, I end up collecting enough to compile into a book and the theme ends up falling into place at exactly the right time. In this latest season of life, my poems have been contemplations of my journey through being 24-25 years old. These poems are a bit more self exploratory and in many ways almost responses to my old poems from a wiser and more experienced perspective. 

What is the best part of being a writer? What is the hardest part? 

For me, being a writer was never an intentional choice! It’s always been my way of making sense of the world around me and expressing whatever thoughts or emotions are inside. Aside from the ability to wield it like a magical tool for life, I really love getting to capture various aspects of my life in writing to look back on. It’s like a written time capsule of the human experience. 

The most challenging part of writing is removing the audience from your writing process. When I think of people reading my work while I’m writing it, it feels harder. It tends to make the work less vulnerable and freeing and it doesn’t flow out of me the same. That’s why when I write I don’t write with the intention of it becoming a book for others to read, rather just simply writing to write. People will always have opinions and preferences on what you write and not everyone will understand the messages you’re conveying! 

If people want to purchase your books, where should they go?

All three books – Chaos & Clarity, The In-Between, and half. – are available on Amazon.

*****

2. Mike Boissonneault

What is the title of your most recent book, and what was it about?

Soft Skills & Leadership - HR Insight for Managers. Too many business managers, leaders and/or owners are in business and struggle with some of the soft skills that HR professionals train within and execute on behalf of their clients. Managers benefit from learning any of the disciplines of the HR skill set, it makes them confident, raises their business acumen and demonstrates leadership to their workforce. In the book, I explain (in typical business language), eight of the different skills areas to open the curiosity and motivate managers to learn and appreciate the various competencies and responsibilities of HR. Managers can then choose first which disciplines to own in their individual capacity, second, which roles to partner with an HR professional and thirdly, which disciplines may not be applicable in their current role. 

Where did you get the idea for it?

I worked in many areas in my long ESPN career and constantly talked to leaders in many industries, including HR consultants. I probed each side for the challenges and possible changes. In my roles, I always tried to bridge the HR to Business Area divide. Every industry has challenges of partnering with the business and/or employee advocates in HR, and the more we support it, the better the business (and its management) will thrive.

What’s your target audience?

I wrote this for each side of the HR/Business relationship. Specifically, I target it towards business managers and leaders to open their arms to embrace the opportunity to evolve in their role. Similarly, I also target the HR professionals to help them understand this is a two-way street, and they can help substantially in the idea of "advocacy for the development of both employees and business.”

Are you working on another book? What is it about?

I have been looking at two options: first is a sequel which would target small business owners, many of whom take a corporate or business experience and venture out on their own. This strategy has many twists and turns that may not be apparent in the early planning and this may be a helpful publication. The second idea is about a fictional baseball player who deals with societal and personal challenges on the way to career success.

What is the best part of being a writer? What is the hardest part?

The best part of being an author is seeing your project finally published and allows people top read it thoroughly and not have to explain verbally what it entails. Another good aspect is to receive critical feedback, good or bad, as it helps the author in a humble way to grow.

The hardest part is getting your thoughts and ideas written in a way that makes sense, and along with that comes editing. Proof reading and punctuating may be just as difficult as assembling the storyline or fact checks.

If people want to purchase your books, where should they go?

You can get a Kindle version and/or a paperback edition on Amazon.  Here is a link: https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Mike-Boissonneault/dp/1543935958

*****

3. Peter Prohaska

What are your most recent works? 

I self-published three novels in 2020. 

Exiles to Hesperus tells the story of a young engineer asked to move to the island of Hesperus to supervise the construction of a bridge. There he becomes friends with various inhabitants, including a hard-drinking fellow known as the Admiral, who pushes our hero toward better knowledge of himself and the mysterious forces behind the bridge project.

The Fishing Party is a more experimental work in which a Coast Guardsman, injured in the line of duty, sits down to write a western novel in which the plot parallels events in his own life.

The New Memphis Mop-Up is a story about a broken marriage, a haunted school and the hidden power of America's great rivers.

My most recent novel is a gothic western that follows a pioneer woman who is unwillingly caught up in a wide-ranging conspiracy involving her brother, a wealthy Chicago financier, and the murder of her husband. While mostly complete, it went on the back-burner as I moved full-time into reporting for the Record-Journal and Cheshire Herald and now the Southington Outsider.

In addition to putting the final touches on my new novel, I'm compiling an anthology of previously unpublished shorter fiction and poetry, and doing research in Eisenhower studies.

Where did you get the idea for it?

The ideas for everything I write came through a lot of reading and many drafts and abandoned projects.

What is the best part of being a writer? What is the hardest part? 

The best part of being a writer is satisfaction in a well-written sentence and the occasional chuckle at my own jokes. One becomes a little more alive to know that somebody else has read work that took long hours of typing, soul-searching, and ultimately overcoming the natural tendency to fear of being exposed as an ignoramus. The writer's life is a lonely one and that constitutes part of the reason why journalism is a healthier way for writers to work -- as Hemingway, Clemens, Melville, Steinbeck and many others would agree.

Another hard part of being a 21st century writer of fiction is fear for the future of literature. We humans have become in the course of a couple of generations much less literarily inclined, with less ability or inclination to follow a complex narrative or work through dense, allusive prose. We are visually-oriented and even films that aspire to subtlety struggle for attention and appreciation amid the kinetic kaleidoscopes Hollywood is bound to produce. Literary culture still has some vitality despite our phones, tablets and other distractions, though it will not likely become again the edifying force it once was in our culture. My hope is that my work proves to readers that literature can still improve our understanding of the world, enrich our experiences of life, grow our empathy, and provide a more valuable form of exercise for the mind than simply watching television or sports does.

If people want to purchase your books, where should they go?

My three novels are all available via Amazon and apparently other, lesser-known, websites.