Sober Southington Is Serious About Having Fun

The Sober Southington crew at Kinsmen Brewery, with pizza and non-alcoholic beer. PHILIP THIBODEAU PHOTOS

“What did you think of Barb’s?” a member of Sober Southington asked the group. “I liked it, it reminded me of the kind of pizza I grew up with," came the reply.

And South Town Pizza, where they had just come from? “Checked a lot of boxes for me, especially the nice burnt crust.”

Those gathered around the table at Kinsmen Brewery were participating in a ‘Best Pizza of Southington’ contest and waiting for new pies to arrive. Just a few minutes earlier, they had been out on the Canal Trail to stage a playful ‘pizza protest.’ “What do we want? GOOD PIZZA! When do we want it? NOW!” Group organizer Shane Shackelford shouted through his megaphone, while the rest of the group repeated the chant and moved in formation down the path.

Over six feet tall and sporting a festive collection of tattoos, Shackelford, who goes by ‘Shawn Sharks’ on Facebook, stands out in a crowd. He prefers clothes with flair, such as the pants with pizza-slice print he was wearing today. He also radiates openness, greeting people he’s just met for the first time as if they were old friends. A native of Nashville, Tennessee, he now resides in Southington with his wife Sara Cyr and his son.

Shackelford runs Sober Southington in his spare time. His day jobs include working at a doggie day-care and tending bar at the Groggy Frog. The latter might seem like an odd choice for someone in recovery, but Shane says “you have to keep your demons close” to keep them under control.

He and Sara started the group to provide “the sober and the sober-curious” with safe socialization options. Staying clean requires discipline, persistence, and humility; what Sober Southington has to offer are opportunities to have fun, to get a healthy buzz from shared adventures, and to know someone out there has your back.

“Shane is way outside the box,” said group member David Riccio. “Some of the things he comes up with are so artistic. Ironically, I stopped drinking on the same day he did. Shane is like, you’re taking on a new life, a new way of life, a sober way of life. “

“Here, you’re putting yourself with other people and helping each other out. It’s a public group, not a private one. A couple weeks ago we had a guy’s night. I met four guys that I probably never would have encountered otherwise. It was at the escape room at Factory Square. We had to work together as a team. Then we went back to Shane’s garage, his man-cave. He got out the Avery’s soda, said which is your favorite flavor, and handed them out.”

“I can go on. Everything he touches just turns to magic. He’s got that personality.”

Once the platters at Kinsmen were empty – “excellent, really tasty” – the group members piled into their cars to head for their fourth and final destination, Nonna’s Pizza. There, owner Ace Memeti and his father entertained the crew while pizzas cooked in the oven. Once served, the group made short work of the pies. Everyone handed in their rating sheets and waited for the votes to be tallied.

The winner? Nonna’s Pizza, by a considerable margin. Some might wonder whether the $20 gift certificates that Ace distributed to the participants may have played a role in this decision. Regardless, the essential point was not to evaluate culinary standards – it was to spend the afternoon going around town and having fun.

Shane photographs Nonna's manager Ace Memeti as he holds his trophy.

The Silent Ravers

Shane and Sara keep the group’s calendar full: after the pizza crawl on December 20, there was a massage night in West Hartford on December 28, a book club at Kinsmen on December 29, and to ring in the New Year, a silent rave at Infinite Growth Club downtown.

A ‘silent rave,’ for those who don’t know, is a dance party where the participants wear headphones linked to wifi that let them choose from a few different dance tracks. People who prefer up-tempo beats can dance together in one area while those who prefer something slower can gather in another. Another option is to take off your headphones and hold a conversation in a room that, while buzzing with activity, is not deafeningly loud.

One participant, Bob from New York, said this was his first ever silent rave. He expressed his gratitude for the opportunity to try out something completely new.

Two attendees, Carrie and Kelly, heard about Sober Southington from The Phoenix, another Hartford-area sobriety group. Lighting up the floor with their glow-in-the-dark shoes, they took turns dancing, sipping on their drinks, and circulating.

Their beverages were made by Roaming Spirits, a mobile bar run by the husband-and-wife team of Anthony and Kelly. The options were, of course, non-alcoholic, but not lacking in imagination:

One noticeable feature of this dance party was the presence of young children. A few gathered around a console playing video games, while others danced with their parents.

One of the mothers, Alicia Diaz, is the co-owner of Infinite Growth. She and her business partner Brandi Nik Kilbourne-Price took turns joining the party and welcoming guests at the door. They said they were excited to ring in the New Year with Shane and his group and looked forward to future collaborations.

Alicia and Brandi, co-owners of Infinite Growth

Part Of A New Movement

Sober Southington is not unique in its devotion to alcohol-free socialization. As CNN recently reported, a new trend for sober partying has sprung up that spans the globe. In Seoul, for instance, young people rise at daybreak so they can dance for an hour before work, fueled by good vibes and caffeine. In France, one bakery has become famous for dance parties that celebrate bread and other baked goods.

All over the world, it would seem, people are rethinking what it means to have fun and coming to similar conclusions about the possibilities. But a trend doesn’t just happen on its own: it takes individuals with energy and imagination, like Shane, to make it happen. On January 3, on Facebook, Shackelford spelled out what Sober Southington is all about in a short manifesto:

“Sober Southington likes to have fun! We are a community of people who have chosen to live without alcohol or drugs but who still value laughter, connection, adventure, and genuine enjoyment, often even more than before. This kind of group understands that fun does not depend on substances and that the most lasting, satisfying experiences come from being present, clear-minded, and authentically engaged with others. Members include people in recovery, those who simply choose not to drink for health or personal reasons, or individuals who are “sober curious” and want to see what life feels like without relying on substances to relax or socialize. We gather for activities where the focus is on shared experiences rather than on drinking: lots of activities lined up for the month of January. If you are practicing dry January, now is the time to check us out.”

Friends dance in front of Roaming Spirits' mocktail bar.

Bread For Life Offers Food - And Much More - For Those In Need

SCREENSHOT FROM 'BREAD FOR LIFE'

The executive director of Southington’s Bread For Life, Missy Cipriano, is a trained beekeeper. During the summer, when the hives behind Bread For Life’s garden are awake, she takes care of the bees as they gather nectar and make honey. But even in the winter, when the bees hibernate, her skills are still useful, since Bread For Life is itself a kind of beehive, buzzing with people collecting and processing food to feed those in need.

In fact, Bread For Life does more than target hunger. Recently Missy took the Outsider on a tour of the facility to show us what she and her staff do to provide its clients with practical help, dignity, and a sense of community connection. The tour was filmed and edited by Wayne Edwards – a member of the Outsider's Board of Directors, and a professor in the Communications, Film, and Media Studies Department at the University of New Haven – along with two of his students, Elisa Roche and Jay Sanders. Click below to watch the 13-minute feature:

For more information, see Bread for Life's website.

Here are some of Bread for Life's dedicated volunteer drivers preparing to make deliveries on Christmas Eve:

Southington’s Mathews Never Gave Up On College Soccer Dream

PHOTOS COURTESY GIANNA MATHEWS

Once, as a sophomore on Southington High School girls soccer varsity squad, Gianna Mathews got time on the field against rival Maloney. During a crucial moment she was beaten by an attacker to the outside. But Mathews didn’t sulk on the pitch; she did what she does best and fought back, chasing down the ball and getting back possession for her team via a slide tackle.

That play showed Southington’s coaching staff everything they needed to see. Mathews has started every game since then, going on to have a successful career with the Blue Knights.

“The effort on the field. Going after every single ball,” Mathews says of her biggest strengths. “I remember a play, I got beat by a girl. She was dribbling down the field. I hustled all the way back to get the ball from her. Just because you get beat first, my effort and willingness to get the ball back really showed them I’m always giving my 110 percent, no matter how many minutes I’m on the field.”

Mathews’ soccer career will continue at the college level. She has committed to play at Curry College after her graduation from Southington. Her commitment was the culmination of Mathews’ perseverance and desire to continue her soccer-playing journey – a journey that began when she was three years old.

At the time, Mathews was still trying to see which sport stuck. Gymnastics wasn’t really her thing. She liked basketball and would go on to play through her junior year. However, there was nothing like soccer. Mathews loved being outdoors and having so much space on the field to play on.

Things began to get serious during fourth grade. Mathews joined Sporting CT, her first club team. At that moment, she realized that her love for soccer went beyond just how much fun she was having.

“That’s how I really began to realize, ‘Wow, I am interested in this sport.’ Not only is it fun, I want to competitively play it,” Mathews said. “I want to win games, I want to succeed in the sport. It wasn’t just something that I did for fun anymore. This could be something more for me.”

In sixth grade she would join her next club team, FSA. Then in eighth grade Mathews would join Vale, the club team she stuck with throughout high school. At the same time, she was playing on John F. Kennedy Middle School’s team. Her soccer career was beginning to blossom, and Mathews didn’t want it to end anytime soon.

“It was very hard to get onto the middle school team. When I made that team, I knew I was good enough to play with people,” Mathews said. “When I got towards the end of middle school, I realized that I did want to do this in college. It was something I didn’t want to just end in high school.”

On the pitch, Mathews found her home at center attacking midfielder. As much as she loves scoring goals, she revels in getting her teammates opportunities. Furthermore, Mathews understands just how important her and her fellow midfielder’s roles are in controlling the game.

“I truly love that position,” Mathews said. “Scoring goals is amazing, I do love scoring. But at the same time, I love passing the ball to my teammates so that they get the opportunity to excel. It’s not just me on the field. The center midfield are the key players. If they’re slow, the game is going to go slow. If they’re on their toes, the game is going to go faster. Those people are so essential. If you know how to play it, and play it well, your whole team will succeed.”

Mathews had found her sport. Soccer wasn’t just a fad. Now it was time for her to take her talents to the high school level.

Blue Knights Debut

Mathews earned her varsity letter as a freshman, although she didn’t see much playing time. What she did do was spend plenty of time practicing with her new Blue Knights teammates. She remembers looking up to players such as Jessica Carr, Sofia Scalise and Sage Carmody. Mathews says those players helped her get acclimated to what high school soccer had to offer.

“Practicing with the varsity team made me such a better player. I was able to learn from all these great players. It really helped me.”

Once sophomore season began, Mathews remembers hearing that she wasn’t expected to make a major impact. That all changed once she got her opportunity on the field. After earning the starting nod, Mathews went on to play a crucial role in the Blue Knights’ run to the second-round of the Class LL State Tournament.

There she was playing alongside teammates she looked up to like Riley Prozzo and Julia Rusiecki. In the first half, Southington found themselves trailing against Greenwich. After a free kick from Prozzo, Mathews was able to find the deflection and tap the ball in for a goal. While Southington lost 3-1, it was a moment that Mathews said helped define her Blue Knights tenure.

“I knew I was good enough to play with Riley Prozzo, Julia Rusiecki,” Mathews said. “Being on the field with them made me a better player.”

As she continued to take advantage of opportunities with Southington, Mathews has never stopped playing for Vale, even in her senior season. The center attacking midfielder wouldn’t have it any other way: it may be a lot of soccer, but Mathews never wants to take her foot off the gas.

“Right when soccer season for the high school ends, Vale picks up a couple weeks later. I love that,” Mathews said. “That week off I don’t know what to do with myself. I just love being on the field, I enjoy going to practice. I enjoy every aspect of it and I can’t wait for it to start up again.”

Desire to further her soccer career then forced her to make a crucial decision come junior year.

Mathews Goes All-In On Soccer

Mathews was still playing for the Southington girls basketball team her junior season. That year, the Blue Knights won the Central Connecticut Conference Championship and made a run all the way to the Class LL State Championship Finals. Mathews took part in all of that while still trying to showcase herself as a soccer player.

Showcases for interested colleges happen during the winter. Junior season is when Mathews knew coaches would be watching. She continued to attend showcases and games while the basketball season was going on.

In one particular instance, Mathews had to drive to Massachusetts for a soccer match, then drive all the way back to Connecticut to take part in that evening’s CCC basketball game. Given how long the Blue Knights’ season went, there were times Mathews would have to miss practice due to a showcase.

She loved basketball, but Mathews’ true passion remained soccer. After her junior season, Mathews left the basketball team to focus solely on soccer.

“That commitment that I had to soccer just showed how much I really cared for the sport,” Mathews said. “I was willing to do whatever it takes to try and succeed.”

On the pitch, Mathews got a new head coach in Megan Kavanaugh. The former JV coach had seen how the midfielder performed in games. After a year of coaching her, Kavanaugh made a decision that would significantly impact Mathews’ senior season.

Mathews Leads Southington As Senior

Kavanaugh named Mathews the Blue Knights’ first captain around June. She would later be joined by fellow seniors Emily Bafuma, Emily Boucher and Abbie Patavino. But in the summer, Mathews was the Blue Knights’ leader, the person they relied on.

It was a role that Mathews took seriously. Southington had barely snuck into the Class LL State Tournament in her junior season. Now, the Blue Knights were set to lose 10 seniors and field a team featuring many first-time varsity players. Still, Mathews wanted Southington to make an impact. All members of the team had to have faith in one another for Southington to compete as one.

“Being a captain to me specifically meant welcoming people to the team with kindness, open arms. Not putting anyone down,” Mathews said. “If someone makes a mistake, you’re not going to get mad at them. You’re going to lift them up. At the end of the day, that’s what your team is for. You need to be able to trust your team. Having that sympathy and compassion as a captain showed the other girls that they can play how they want to without fear of someone yelling at them for making a simple mistake.”

In addition to sharing the title of captain, Mathews and Bafuma are teammates at the club level at Vale. They’ve grown close as friends through their shared love of soccer. Bafuma couldn’t think of a better person to end her time with the Blue Knights with.

“She is always a consistently hardworking and reliable teammate,” Bafuma said. “And she always has a positive attitude no matter the situation.”

During Mathews’ senior season, Southington girls soccer qualified for the Class LL State Tournament with their 9-5-2 record. While the Blue Knights were eliminated in the first round, they showed growth from Mathews’ junior year and managed to make their mark.

Outside of their success on the field, Mathews saw the Blue Knights become much closer as a team. Initially players are funneled into the program from two separate schools, JFK and Joseph A. Depaolo Middle School. But after playing alongside them for four years, Mathews has seen all of her Southington teammates develop a true connection.

“I’ve gotten a lot closer with a lot of people in my grade,” Mathews said. “In the beginning I didn’t know many people. Now, I’ve gotten so close, especially with Emily Bafuma. As a team we’ve gotten much closer, it’s not as divided as it used to be.”

Mathews’ soccer career is far from over. Everything she learned with the Blue Knights will come with her during her tenure at Curry College.

Mathews Achieves College Soccer Dream

Curry wasn’t on Mathews’ radar at first. She had known about the school through Carmody, who had committed a year prior. But Mathews was holding out for a Division II program and potentially a soccer scholarship.

Yet when that DII opportunity came, Mathews had to reassess what she really wanted out of the college experience. She began to think about her academic goals as well as her athletic ones. Once she took everything into account, Mathews realized that Curry College was the right place for her.

“At this point it feels like a relief that I accomplished what I wanted to since I was younger,” Mathews said. “I know where I was going to college, I have it all figured out which is so exciting. I feel so great that I was able to accomplish what I wanted to.”

When it came to the soccer aspect of her college decision, Mathews had some expectations of her future program – chief of which was a coaching staff and team she could trust. Once she met Curry head coach Lindsey Garvey, Mathews found her support system. She called the head coach, “one of the nicest people she’s ever met.” Furthermore, her honesty throughout the recruiting process made Mathews’ decision easier.

“The coaching staff and team I really wanted to love,” Mathews said. “If you don’t like your coaches or your team, then it makes the sport draining, it makes you not want to be there. I wanted to connect with them at that level.”

In the classroom, Mathews will be majoring in psychology. On the field, she doesn’t plan to alter how she approaches the game. Mathews knows things will get tougher at the college level. But she isn’t letting that change her mindset as she heads to Curry.

“Positivity. I rely on that so much,” Mathews said. “Yeah, you got to be hard on yourself, but if you don’t let yourself make mistakes, if you don’t let your teammates make mistakes, then you cannot play to the best of your ability. I’m going to go in with a great attitude every single day. Some days may not be the best. But I’ll get them better next time.”

Once Mathews set her mind to succeeding at soccer, there was nothing that could stop her. Not low expectations entering her sophomore season. Not a two-way trip from Massachusetts and back. The sport helped shape her mentality and showed Mathews how to push forward through any hurdle, or pesky Maloney attacker.

“I’m never going to give up,” Mathews said. “With that athlete in me, it’s not possible for me to. If things get hard now, it will get better later. There’s always a better side to it.”