How Students Are Different Today

PHOTO COURTESY OF BOB BROWN

"Why can’t kids today be like I was growing up? They are not like I was!” 

Every generation could say this, but it seems young people today face unique challenges. Cell phones, iPads, busy parents, social media, Covid isolation, increased information availability, and an at-times overly hostile or divided social-political environment all have brought new challenges many of us did not face growing up. How have these factors changed students?

I went on a field trip recently with my granddaughter, who is in fourth grade. I noticed that the vast majority of students had very short attention spans, did not read much, and seemed to need constant stimulation in the museum we were in. This got me to thinking.

As a teacher friend and parent recently explained to me, many young people today are more open about expressing emotions and feelings. That is wonderful – while growing up in the 1950s, I was discouraged from any such expressions.  

However, as several other parents and teachers have told me, more students are anxious, face more social and emotional challenges, have shorter attention spans, need more instant gratification and excitement, and read fewer books. More have difficulty relating to other kids and working through conflicts without parental intervention. 

Loneliness and even hopelessness are also on the rise.  The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reported that the number of high school students reporting persistent sadness or hopelessness rose 40% between 2009 and 2019. Some of the factors driving this trend include the rise in social media and smartphone use, increasing academic and social pressures, and growing competition in college admissions. 

There is a book by Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation, that explains some of this and has several suggested solutions. He suggests that schools restrict or eliminate cell phones, that parents wait until high school to give their children smartphones, and wait until age 16 for social media access. He also suggests parents encourage more outside, unsupervised play for children. 

Limiting cell phone use may help, but the reality is that outside school they will still be influential. We still need to adjust teaching and parenting.

First, we must meet students where they are and not try to take them back to the “good old days.” This is for parents, educators and society in general. That means parenting and teaching need to evolve – after all, we no longer need to teach most kids how to milk cows or work on an assembly line. Southington's and many other towns' schools are evolving, and we must continue to do so.

Students should also be encouraged in school to interact with and respect others and do small group activities. Schools need to ensure that they have sufficient mental and social-emotional support personnel. Community support for that is essential. Parents and society need to encourage our young people to go outside and play, engage in sports, do social activities, dance, appreciate nature, be creative with music and arts, resolve their conflicts amongst themselves and not rely on adult interventions always.

Finally, we should foster curiosity and a thirst for learning and growing. Teach kids to respectfully and thoughtfully question everything – the status quo, the way things are done, rules, authorities. Encourage expressing emotion and listening as important skills. Instead of always trying to change them, approach children with curiosity about their world, about any traumas they may have experienced, and learn what makes them tick. 

Our young people are our future. They are the potentially productive workers and involved citizens of tomorrow. Our society needs them to succeed for us to all thrive. 

Bob Brown is a longtime Southington teacher and current Board of Education member.

Share Your Bread

There is a Jewish folktale about helping those in need that was turned into a children’s book called “Bagels From Benny” by Aubrey Davis (Bagels from Benny | Aubrey Davis). In the book version, Benny is grateful for the bagels his grandfather makes, so he decides to thank God by placing some bagels in the holy ark where the Torahs are kept. At the same time, there is a poor man in the synagogue. He finds the bagels in the ark, grateful that God has provided him with food. Benny thinks he is feeding God, and the hungry man thinks that God is feeding him. In the end, they realize what is actually happening, and Benny understands that he is doing holy work by helping someone in need.

Today, we are reminded that it is our responsibility to be like Benny, and continue this holy work. SNAP benefits have been halted due to the government shutdown, causing many people to struggle to put food on the table. We need to do the holy work of feeding those in need. Food banks and shelters are preparing for an influx of people, and they need more donations of food, money, and volunteers. Now is the time to help our fellow man.

At Gishrei Shalom Jewish Congregation in Southington, we offer plenty of opportunities throughout the year to help our fellow man. At Yom Kippur and Purim, we host a food drive, in which all donations go to Bread for Life. On Christmas day, we prepare and serve Christmas lunch with Bread for Life. And once a year, we pack bags filled with toiletries for Dignity Grows, a program which helps homeless women.

It says in Deuteronomy 15:7-8, “Do not harden your heart and shut your hand against your needy kinsman. Rather, you must open your hand and lend him sufficient for whatever he needs… Give to him readily and have no regrets.” By opening our hands and our hearts, we help to make the world a better place.

God, The Cat, And Other Beings Who Ignore My Schedule

Winnie the Cat JANE WILLAN PHOTO

There’s a cat in my house who refuses to cooperate with the laws of time.

Every morning, I get up early—coffee brewing, sermon notes or my next chapter novel ideas spread out, schedule neatly planned. And every morning, my cat, Winnie, looks at me with the serene indifference of one who answers to no clock but her own. I can’t rush her breakfast. I can’t hurry her out of my favorite chair. I can’t persuade her that 5:30 a.m. is not an appropriate time to begin her daily zoomies.

I, on the other hand, am ruled by calendars, google alarms, and to-do lists. My day is divided into tidy blocks of purpose. Hers is arranged around mysterious feline impulses that appear to have no pattern other than “not when Jane wants it.”

And yet—she is rarely late for what matters.

She knows exactly when to leap into my lap, just as my mind starts looping with worry about the plot point or the sermon that refuses to land. She knows when to nap in the sunlight, and when to stretch and wander the house as if inspecting the kingdom. She knows when to rest. I, meanwhile, schedule my rest like an inconvenient errand.

Sometimes I look at her and think: she trusts something I don’t.

Because Winnie never doubts that the world will continue to turn without her intervention. She doesn’t pace in front of her water bowl worrying about whether I’ll fill it. She doesn’t compose mental spreadsheets of her responsibilities. She just… exists. Fully. Presently. Secure in the unseen rhythms that hold her life together.

And that, I suspect, is where God comes in.

The more I try to manage every minute, the more I realize I’m not in charge of much at all. People cancel. Meetings run long. Plans dissolve like sugar in tea. I can either let my stress skyrocket—or remember that perhaps the universe does not hinge on my efficiency.

When Scripture says, “Be still, and know that I am God,” I sometimes imagine God looking a bit like Winnie: calm, patient, unbothered by my flurry of activity. Not lazy, but at peace. Confident that everything will unfold when it’s meant to.

Perhaps faith isn’t just believing God can act. It’s trusting God’s timing when God doesn’t move according to my agenda. It’s resting in the uncomfortable truth that not every prayer or project will arrive “on schedule.” Some things need to ripen. Some things, like cats, will come to you only when they’re ready.

And if God’s schedule seems to be running late in your life, maybe take a cue from Winnie: find a patch of sunlight, breathe, and wait. Divine timing, like a cat, always shows up eventually—just never when you think it will.

Jane Willan, pastor of Plantsville Congregational Church, is the author of the Sister Agatha Mystery series. Her latest novel, The Widow’s Walk, comes out October 21.

The Southington Outsider is open to publishing weekend reflection essays by members of Southington's religious communities. Please write to editor@southingtonoutsider.org if interested.